He just might be killing me
by JuliaPenn
Summary: A little ChadxIchigo...haha, who am I kidding? A LOT ChadxIchi.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, Hi, my first story...ChadxIchigo, 'cos I think it's just sooooo adorable. Oh, and I totally don't own Bleach (haha I wish!).**

_"So, how bout from now on, I throw punches for you, and you throw them for me?" _

Ever since that wink, I knew. I would do anything for that boy.

Except it was awkward. I mean, I knew he didn't return my feelings. Why would he? He had Rukia. He even had Orihme, if he wanted her. Why would he need me, the same way I needed him?

So I kept quiet, and faded to the background. Said, and interacted, as little as possible. Of course, I did everything he needed me to. And more. That's what friends are for, right? But it was becoming more and more...hard.

Like this one time........

****************************************************************************************************

_Ding Dong_

Wait a sec...today's Saturday. Who...?

I ran to the door, and opened it. Then I experienced that familar pang in the area of my chest that seemed to be happening lately when I was around him...He stood there, panting. Then he looked up at me and grinned. Those cords around my heart tightened even more. "H-hey, Chad. Do you think...*pant*...you could do...*pant*...me a favor?" How could I say no?

I stared at him a second. "Come on."

He raced in, and Renji soon followed. I looked at him a second, then at Ichigo. As always, Ichigo was amazing at interpreting my looks. One of the reasons...

"Oh, he needs help too. Okay, Chad. There's this hollow, right? We gotta go get it, can we leave our geigas here? I can't find my mod souls, and Renji's all out." He gave me his best puppy-dog eyes. I never could resist anything so cute...

"Sure."

"Kay, thanks, we'll be back in an hour, byee!" He yelled quickly and left his geiga on the floor. Renji slapped me on the back and followed him out.

I sat on the couch. Hmm. Well, that was unexpected. I sat there for a couple of minutes, letting my eyes wander aimlessly around. But like a moth to flame, my gaze was drawn to Ichigo's body. Ichigo's pale, unmoving body. Ichigo's pale, unmoving, vulnerable body.

A thought struck my head all at once. I was alone. With Ichigo (well, his body). For an hour, at least. Different scenarios rushed through my mind...me, pressing him against me; me, taking off his shirt; me taking of his....

I blushed and stopped there. I wouldn't be comfortable with it. It'd be too much like being with a dead body, which is basically what it was. But then I remembered.

The reason Ichigo couldn't find his mod souls was because I had them. The last time I'd been in his room, I'd seen them. They were so cute, and looked like candy. I couldn't resist slipping the container into my pocket. But at home, I realized they were mod souls. And now, entirely new possiblities opened up. I could slip in a mod soul...and start kissing him, as if I was supposed to. And the mod soul would assume that, because I thought I was supposed to, I _was_ supposed to.

It played out in my head as tangibly as if it were actually occurring. I brought Ichigo's body to my bedroom (the thought made me blush). I slipped him onto my bed and got on top, then put the mod soul in his mouth. The mod would look at me, and at first would be confused as I kissed him. But I'd say something along the lines of, "What's wrong, Chi-chi?(A nickname I'd always wanted to call him by)" And he'd continue, because he would think that it was normal, and he'd kiss me back. I started wondering how far I'd be brave enough to go.

Except that it felt too much like rape. Me taking from Ichigo what he hadn't willingly given up to me. It wasn't fair or right of me. Plus, I couldn't figure out how to get the mod soul back out, short of putting Ichigo's spirit back in. And Ichigo would want to know why I'd put the mod soul in. And the mod soul might say something...

No. I couldn't. So I sat there. I contemplated getting up and giving Ichigo's body just one little kiss...I wanted to know what kissing him tasted like. I wanted to know what he'd feel like, under my hands. In my mouth. But I wanted my first kiss with Ichigo to be when he was conscious, and kissing me back.

My leg jiggled up and down, and I began to sweat. This was abnormal for me. Usually, I was as immovable as a rock. But him, so close, but so far, flustered me. It took incredible restraint to just sit there for most of an hour.

_Ding _

I was there before the Dong. Ichigo's surprised face looked at me in confusion. I realized what he must see - me, big, sweaty, and pale, panting in the doorway. "Um...you okay, Chad?"

"Fine." I didn't want to give too much away, and didn't trust my voice not to break.

"You sure? You look sick or something..." and without warning, his hand came up to brush the hair out of my eyes and feel my forehead. My eyes widened in shock. What...?

Ichigo nodded grimly. I realized Renji was behind him, cocking an eyebrow at us. "Yep, definite fever. Trust me, I know these things. I'm going to have to put you to bed."

Thank God blushes don't show up too easily on my face. I was so surprised, I let myself be led to my bedroom. He pulled back the covers on my bed. Renji was right behind him. "Get in," he ordered me. I meekly lay down, my pulse racing. It quickened even more as he tucked the heavy blankets around me and pulled out a thermometer (Where the heck...?), gently sliding it between my lips. "Just sweat it out for today. I'll call tomorrow, to see how you're doing and if you need any real medicine."

Renji had already left the room to reenter his body. My muscles tensed as he lingered by my bed. He seemed so motherly that I half expected him to lean down and kiss my forehead. But instead, he brushed his fingers against my face.

Then he was out the door. As soon as I heard the slamming noise, I relaxed. Sweat was pouring down my face, mixing with what seemed suspiciously like tears. I closed my eyes and let them fall. Dammit, Ichigo. You just might be killing me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, so I decided to do the second chapter...don't know if it will turn out so well...Don't know many names, or a lot about Bleach, because I've read 1-4 and watched like, 18-22…**

_Hey, girls! Get your guts up and ask TODAY!_

This was one of the various posters I saw at school that Tuesday, advertising the upcoming "Sadie Hawkins" dance. Apparently, it was an American thing that the girls on our student council decided to adopt for a "fun" thing to do. The girls had to ask the guys to the dance, instead of the other way around.

"Which of us would be the girl?" I wondered, thinking of Ichigo and me. Of course, there was no us, except in my imagination. I gave a little laugh and ambled on, leaving the brightly colored pink and yellow poster behind.

At lunch, I sat down at my usual table. I wondered if Ichigo would join Orihme and me today, or if he'd hang out with the thousands of others who salivated for his attention. He seemed to be getting more and more popular. I watched as he gracefully advanced across the cafeteria, his dancer-like agility offset by the furious scowl that was on his face. A blonde girl, a new student, was talking animatedly at him. His scowl faded until he was outright laughing. I looked at her in envy, but I'm sure my carefully trained face gave off no emotion. He nodded at her and she bounced off to her gaggle of friends.

Orihme sucked at her drink and looked at Ichigo as he sat down. "Who's she, Ichi?" Another thing I was jealous of - because she was a girl, she could call him adorable nicknames and get away with it. I could not. If Ichigo ever heard the word "Ichi" fall through my lips, I don't think he'd find it endearing.

He gave Orihme a slow smile. "My date to the Sadie Hawkins dance," he grinned. Orihme squealed.

"Omigod, yay, Ichigo!" Orihme was as bouncy as ever, though I knew that she'd wanted to ask Ichigo almost as much as I did.

Must've been hell for her to act like that. I had a hard enough time not exploding with the wrong emotion all the time, how could she bring up such a convincing fake one?

"Thanks, Orihme," Ichigo smiled, eating from his school-bought lunch. I wondered if he really liked this girl, and the thousands of questions I was not brave enough to ask. What was her name? Did he like her? Was she the only one who'd asked? How'd she get him to laugh, so easily? But if I asked…

I sighed and went back to my sandwich. I wasn't very hungry. And Ichigo was sitting _right across_ from me…our feet were a millimeter from touching, I could sense, without seeing. It made my breath come harder, and I fought for control over myself.

I was somewhere between relief and regret when some jock claimed Ichigo, asking him to come over and settle an argument. He went with a roll of his eyes, but they were lighted up. Was he enjoying his popularity?

There's so much I wanted to know about him…I wanted to get inside his head, inside _him_.

But at least he was gone. I let out one tiny sigh.

Orihme looked up. "You okay, Chad?"

I looked at her quizzically.

She colored very slightly, but went on, "Well, you're kind of…quiet? today?"

I let one of my eyebrows arch the tiniest bit. I don't know if she saw or not, my hair was in my face, as usual, but she continued, saying, "I'm serious, Chad, I mean, I know you're _always_ quiet, but this is a _different_ kind of quiet, like a _sad_ quiet."

For a ditz, she was very perceptive sometimes. But I wasn't ready to share with her. I just shook my head, stirring my hair.

Orihme shrugged, her orange cascade swaying. "All right…but do you have a date to the Sadie Hawkins dance?" She was suddenly grinning.

I shook my head again.

"Well? C'mon, talk more, Chad! We know Ichigo's date. Has anyone asked?"

Another shake.

"Anyone you want to ask?" Her tone was so wheedling; I couldn't help but smile a little. And I wasn't going to lie to her; after all we'd been through together. She deserved more than that. So I didn't shake my head, I just sat there, taking another bite of my sandwich.

She squealed again and clapped her hands. "Ooh, I knew it, who is she?"

Who is ' she ' , she asks? I just stared at the sandwich. My last few weeks of silence all bubbled up inside me, I wanted to let it out…

Orihme suddenly stuck her head into my line of vision, pushed my hair out of the way, and stared straight into my eyes. Her eyes were a very interesting shade…

She nodded and retreated. "Well it's not me," she stated matter-of-factly. "And I'm pretty sure it's not a girl."

I started up and stared at her, my mouth slightly open, my face blazing. "How..?"

"Oh,yay, you talked!" she giggled. "Lucky guess."

I glared at her. This was NOT a laughing matter. She couldn't just play lightly around with me like this, it wasn't fair. I started getting up to go.

She was instantly at my side, with a hand on my arm, pushing me back down. Her eyes looked at me pleadingly. "Oh, please don't leave me here alone, Tatsuke isn't here today, I'm really sorry, I couldn't help giggling, and it's not my fault I guessed." I reluctantly sat down. She went on, more quietly. "He must really mean a lot to you, huh?"

I nodded curtly and had the last bite of my sandwich. She leaned on the table lazily, glancing up at me with a small kind of smile. "So…who is he?"

Was I ready to tell her…?

She sat up straighter, putting a finger to her lips as she thought. "Hmm…let me guess. Well, someone you know pretty well, you don't look like the type who'd fall in love at first sight. So…that narrows it down, to like, four, right? Ichigo, Uriyu, and those other two…and I don't think those other two are really your type, they're not the silent-ish type, like you are; you wouldn't…erm…mesh? And Uriyu? No, I can't see that happening. So, (drumroll, please), that leaves Ichi!" For a moment, she looked proud of her immense powers of deduction, but then she seemed troubled as she realized that I wanted the same guy she did.

I sighed and looked at her angrily. "You guessed it, alright, Orihme? Yeah, I'm in love with Ichigo. Are you happy now? Are you satisfied? Can you stop playing guessing games now?" It all burst out.

Orihme looked at me regretfully, tears in her eyes. "I – I'm sorry, Chad! Really, I am! I don't think sometimes, I don't realize…," the tears were coming down now, as she looked at me, begging forgiveness. I couldn't stay mad for long. She was one of the sweetest persons I knew. I hugged her, like a friend, and said,

"All right, Orihme, I shouldn't have gotten angry, you didn't mean it…"

She snuffled into my shirt, a purple and lavender paisley printed button down tee. "I'm sorry Chad," she hiccupped, clasping her arms around me. "Hey…would you…(hic) maybe be my Sadie Hawkins date? (hic)? That way, we could both pine for him together…in the corner." Her smile was watery and quivering.

I relaxed. It was a good solution, actually. I nodded.


End file.
